The undone...

Outing is simply an idea to make almost everyone feels better. I'm not excluded. Hanging out with friends often works, and I always perceive it as a way to look for distractions, other than wasting money by crowning myself with the title of "shopoholic". 

The highlight is: Outing is suppose to help me to distress!

yet I do not feel good at all.

It has got me undone, put on more pressure on me, and to an extent it worsen my emotions. Perhaps I'm just being too sensitive all the time. I shouldn't been putting myself in such a terrible condition. I don't want it, but I have no idea how to control this.

I would say that I'm quite an extremist, for the reason that I always find it hard to be on the balancing points in everything.

These are not suppose to happen, still, happened. It's my mistake for turning things into mess, or I should not have taken part after all? 

Anyway, they're already PASTS.

你不知道的事。

快乐不容易，原因是它太简单。人会一直不开心，是因为他们喜欢钻牛角尖，自我要求高，防备心， 好胜心和占有欲都太强了。人们害怕失败，也不易认输 ---- 大家都很复杂，复杂得认为要简单才是难事，要快乐比登天还难。

我们常说要做大事，明明就连小事都搞不定，甚至连“简单”都不会。做人为什么就不能脚踏实地，谦卑多一些呢？

你和我，经常为了“重要的事”而烦恼，却忽略了“开心的事”。试问，所谓的“重要”是不是说要让自己陷入低潮；而所谓的“开心”是一种光阴的浪费？当我们抬头抬得太累的时候，为何不要低下头片刻，看看那些近在眼前的幸福呢？

人确实很犯贱，总是觉得遥遥可及的事才有意义，往往忽略了那些垂手可得的快乐。

注：要得到快乐，就要适可的偷懒。

I do not need to know.

Am I to say that: "there's always an end for every misery" (underlying meaning = so as happiness) or "good things will never last (in other words = so as bad moments) Both of them are of the same meaning. It's all up to we, our own to choose to see things from which angle. There's no right and wrong between two things, even if they contradict with each other.  I believe that many of us are actually struggling to become a better individual, to lead our life to a brighter future. Nobody wants to get worsen. Somehow, we just don't know which method to use, or even what are the methods exist. That's the reason why people keep trying and keep encountering failures. They do not fail, actually. Every obstacles in life is to help us to grow stronger and tougher. Not to nurture our patience to endure until all problems are ended. They never will. 

However, humans are just too forgetful. Often, they do not remember about their own pasts, about how they've gone through all circumstances and continue their life to this day. If you can do it previously, you must be able to go through it again in future. All this while we are being confined under regulations and limitations. One thing clear is, our memories do not have a limit. We can fill as many things as we like, as long as we want it. And for sure, we can choose not to allocate any spaces for certain stuffs.

It's all up to our own decision. 

*Although we can't choose what situation to be in, we still have the right to decide what to do.

Are you OK?

Stop asking me this kind of !@#$@#%$ question! 

My answers might be:

1. Yea of course! *big smile* (You've forced me to tell lies =X)

2. Hee..I guess so.. *frown* (I don't know @@)

3. Har? Am I look not alright? *smirk* (Yes I am..IDIOT! XD)

Am I suppose to be rude for admitting that I'm not, and making others to be worried?

How am I going to give you an answer, when even I myself can't find the reason? 

Perhaps you're just trying to be concern, but can you help it if I'm not?

There's NO need of REASONS for everything that happens. 

I just lied.

我会好好过...

昨晚，突然变得有点开朗，是有点太过。

顿时觉得，人活着，面对失望， 总比没希望好。

当一个人抱着希望，就算只有一丝丝的，才能勇敢的继续活下去。

乐观，是好事。

但是，背后的原因，只有我知道。

我会好好过，等你再爱我。

这，将会是我活着的希望。:)

There's nothing here.

I dont seems to be alone,

yet I feel empty inside.

I have clothes to wear,

yet I feel naked in front of public.

I have food to eat,

yet I hunger more for love and attention.

I have people who cares about me,

yet I'm seeking love from the ones who will never do so.

I'm a bit greedy,

Kind of stupid,

and a little too, over you.

But now I reckon, 

Are "you" still, or ever

existed?

Not that I'm left alone in the dark, why am I still having a great sense of insecurity? I'd prefer to be alone, as loneliness could fill my empty heart up.There's at least something that I can feel its existence within myself, and it's always better than the feeling of emptiness that I suffer while I'm standing in the middle of crowds.

Awful!

The reason I'm here for now, is nothing than the predictable one. The ONLY one. 

June was a bad month, tried hard to convince myself that the coming month will be better. I really believed in that, once. And now it's already half past July, but things just got worse from day to day. Perhaps the previous month was just a foreshadow, a warning so that I could be mentally prepared before the next month dawns apart. 

Weekdays are stress enough though, weekends are even more tense. There's no way I can ever make myself to look forward for weekends, not anymore, to the extent that I wouldn't want to imagine my coming weekends. I am so afraid that they might just put me into despair, one to another. Not like I'm an optimistic person some more. Honestly I'd rather to have no weekends. Less pressure I guess. Or hope. 

This is the month which I was born. For 19 years, I had never been feeling this bad. Everyday is like pressuring you to death, slowly. Everything is like trying to make you succumb to it, and this feeling is growing so fast, that no one could ever tell the exact rate. Not even the best scientist on earth can find out. It's easier than simple, and it's tougher than complex. 

Everyone has their own matters to deal with, YES I understand this. But I just couldn't settle problems on my own and I really hate myself about this. Why does everybody can, and yet you can't? Unless you're not a human. I doubted this at times. Weird thing is, whenever I'm down and depressed, I can't think of anyone to talk to, or even just to make me smile despite something has gone wrong. Is that I've changed to become less expressive, or it is because I had came to realise the fact that nobody around me has such an ability? Or I simply know that no one has ever bothered to do so?

I'm real desperate now!

I hate this place

I hate the people around me

I hate myself

Could anyone let me know when will all these end?

No it's OK. I dread being disappointed.