Sem 2 is about to begin. I should feel lucky that amongst all the uni, mine will be the last to start the lessons. At least I haven't knew any uni that has longer winter break than mine, so far. Everyone is so passionate. They set aims and stuffs. Hoping for better things in a new sem. People are excited, about the new sem, new friends, new life and everything. How about me? I'm not. Not ready at all. In fact, I don't even feel like getting on. New timetable? New friends? New excitement? NO! Everything is just a BULL SHIT. I wish time could just stop at now. Forever. Perhaps outsiders might think that we scholars have a bright future. Frankly, I don't see any future. It's just a pitch black in front. Maybe there will be light that would brighten up the path, just maybe...
Holiday is getting shorter and shorter. I don't want it to end. To me, sem2 is just the repetition of the previous sem. Exhausting, tiring, and demotivating. Surely, it'll be more than those above. Worse. This is just half of the first year. I doubt myself if I can continue for several years more. I'm so sick of life there. I supposed the purpose of holiday is to recharge yourself. Somehow I don't feel the same way. Breaks are just temporary escapism from the usual life that you're living, that you are dread of, and you hate it a lot.
Even if there's someone that is wiling to help you to regain the passion, it's still in vain if you don't want to face the reality. This is how I am now. Perhaps all the troubles that frustrate me, is because of my pessimistic mindset. You can't get on if you refuse to walk. Unless someone is kind enough to carry you. But this won't be. For the truth that everyone is selfish, included me. :(
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