How Are You?: 2012

ten things in 2012

Found a homestay with a lot of pets! I was thrilled, though later on I discovered that the cat is very ‘pai kuan'.
Went to Bali with.........*eh hem* (Thanks for your enthusiasm to plan our trip, otherwise I will be literally sleeping for the whole day for a week)
Touchy faraway birthday celebration video from 'you know who you are(s)'.
Picked up reading as my new hobby. (a good time-killer too)
Met up with JL in Penang and I had a great time with her. Not too sure about her though :P
Finally owned a labbit and named it after the cutest goldfish game on mum's iphone. (cute above + cute) :D
Figured out that I am not going to draw CAD for the rest of my life.
Had a short and sweet meet up with da bian at One U. ( short as in we have endless topics, but sweet because we both were having sore legs) :P
Experienced the most polite cric session in the archi firm I'm doing my training throughout 2 years of my archi life.
Have someone to do this 身心有益 punya activity with. :i

一杯teh tarik, 一片roti canai, 就足以让我有个愉快的晚上。刚才一想起roti canai 还一时兴奋得连自己左边和右边脚穿上了不一样的拖鞋都不知道，幸亏被妹妹察觉到，不然就臭大了 @@

妈妈还开玩笑对人家说我是因为在国外没好料吃，所以回到来吃到什么都说好吃，结果就拼了命地一直吃......说起来是个玩笑，但我的心情就犹如哑巴吃黄连---有苦自知。妈妈没有说错，可是我是以认真的心态看待这件事。（贪吃 :P ）

就那区区一团用廉价面粉和食油搓出来的食物，给予的满足感却是无价的。一餐简单的夜宵，已远胜了那遥远的国度所能供应的一切。我不否认我的幸福，但其实我需要的不多。用不着几百万的马币，不需要到最好的地方接受最好的教育；我要的幸福，不难。当然，我从这难得的机遇受惠不浅，认识了很多新事物。但最刻骨铭心的，还是简单是福。

也许我还没看见更大的画面，一片roti canai 就可以bla 出一大堆有的没的。也许，我错了。

或许人都需要更多才看得见微小的细节。或许在未来的某一天，我会因为更大的事物来让我理解现在的（大）细节。或许有一天，我可以为了它，放弃roti canai。

我期待那一天的到来。
因为更恐怖的会是，那一天根本就不存在。

"it's alright"

It's 2 weeks left before the semester ends. I want to get my work done so that I could go home, but on the other hand, I'm procrastinating. I'm not, actually, but I just can't figure out what to do, what to design. Perhaps the failure of the first assignment had left an impact on me. I keep on telling myself that it is ok because this is a process of learning. On the external, I really do feel ok about it. But somewhere deep inside my heart's corner, I know it has indeed discouraged me. And this is perhaps why I still couldn't come out with a new design for the first project, and I always have the feeling that I will never get it right. I don't want to procrastinate, but I couldn't come out with anything. Sitting there and keep on drawing is not the way because I'll get more depressed as time passed, neither do getting any from work and enjoy myself because I'm not progressing with my work. Maybe I'm just not stimulated, maybe I'm just not good enough for this, maybe it's just the inner me that is refusing to work. Despite all the maybe(s), I know that these shouldn't be my excuse for not getting my work progressed. I should be responsible for myself. I know that this is the stress that I am giving to myself, due to the expectations from others. I want to get out from this. You can't live your life by having someone or something to constantly stimulating your dumb brain. Maybe, what I really need a talking machine. A thing that will not get tired accompanying you, not get tired of listening to whatever important or unimportant stuffs you have to say, will talk to you constantly whenever you need someone to talk to you, will never get crossed for whatever you have said or done, will be there to give you a hug and to tell you that everything is fine.

I just want to feel better. But I can't do it on my own. I'm still living for other people. I wish the people that I (think) I'm living for, will tell me that it's alright to not get things right. Even to the end, even if I fail this one, or even, if i don't want to do it anymore. To a certain degree, I still have the pride of being someone that everyone thinks you're good. Please, do not take it all away.

矛盾

其实，人到底可不可以相信？:(

._.

人家常说，成为你希望看到的改变。所以我都很努力的学习变成自己想要遇到的那种人。到最后才发现，被感动的只有自己。我领悟错什么了吗？

真的不喜欢上学

自幼儿园开始，我就不喜欢上学，一直到小学，一直到中学，一直到大学。我从来都没有喜欢过上学。从小学至中学，不想去学校还可以哭哭啼啼的，然后就等爸爸来安抚。在学校遇到不开心的事，都是爸爸到学校摆平的。可上了大学，爸爸这个地位，好像越来越渺小，越来越没权威了，对太多太多的事都爱莫能助了。

我这个人很懒，懒得连做事都不太想用脑。最好是，你把要做的是跟我交待，然后我做就是了，什么都不用想。也许是太懒了，所以很怕麻烦。偏偏在一个人的日子里，什么事都要自己想。吃什么，功课怎么做，衣服几时该洗了，今天要不要上街，什么时候该出发，巴士又什么时候到................所有的琐碎事，都很麻烦，很烦人。一个人等巴士时最为压力，因为常常会旷神，所以深怕巴士飘过我眼前都没注意到。

还是不爱上学，甚至看到学校里的同学都有种莫名的憎恨感。所以在学校都不怎么交朋友，尤其最最讨厌那种一直把功课成绩挂嘴边的。亲爱的，我的人生里，还有很多更值得一提的事呢。新学期即将来临，我真的很怕，真的不想这个新学期会变得像之前的那些一样，一样可怕，一样可恶。

都怪自己笨，好选不选就是选了要读那么多年的科系。每次都做那些愚蠢又没得回头的决定。现在好啦，看来读完这个3，还要来个+2，而且是一个人在那种遥远的国度过日子。我的天，什么时候才可以不用再上学了？ :|

不要嫉妒，我今天没事做~

临时决定在考试前回家，我一度还真的觉得自己疯了。我不知道是我太乐观还是太悲观的关系；我不清楚是我太高估自己还是我低估了自己。整个感觉很极端，甚至在订了机票后，我还在怀疑自己这么做到底是变得不清醒了还是顿时的清醒了。原本以为繁忙的功课暂时结束后在那边的日子也许会好过些。可是我错了，闲空的时间多了，我就开始察觉到寂寞。大家还是各忙各的，我行我素。我不喜欢一个人的感觉，我也没办法过一个人的日子。

对于我突然决定回家之事，父母也表示赞同，没多说什么。或许是因为我前一阵子把家里搞得“鸡犬不宁”，让他们担心了才没反对吧。还没到家就一直拼命给我打电话，一下说有的没的，一下又问我想吃什么。还真有点让我受宠若惊 ><

回到来，我想吃什么，只要开个金口东西就摆到面前来，说真的，我还真的初次得到这种“上等” 待遇。话说回来，我还要减肥的。不要再用食物引诱我了啦 T.T

在家的心情真的平静了很多很多。当一个人感受到被爱，真的会觉得世界充满了期待，看待人生也不会那么悲观了。听起来很夸张，我自己也觉得好笑，不过感觉归感觉，就是它在操纵人们的思维。虽说我们不该受到外来因素影响情绪，可是内心的平静也都是来自外面的某些东西。就像功课一样，没有"input"，哪来的"output"？

这位娇身惯养的小姐，是时候成长了。长大了，人总要对自己负责任。

p/s: 我知道，这次没有做错决定 :)

Fan Shu read THIS

Aglio Olio!

This is my second attempt! It's basically not a fail one, somehow it doesn't taste like authentic ones because I ended up adding whatever I like (it was tasteless according to mum).

Well, there's no word limit ya? So i guess that's all for my aglio olio report. Hahahaha :P

Next!

Tada! My roughly-a-week-old sports shoe. Sorry for the late. My phone was on PMS (can't upload after several attempts) so I transferred it to the computer and blog it! :)

Lastly.......