Hidden Beauty.

Life was once beautiful.

Life was once full of hopes.

Life was once filled with joy.

Life was once when I counted the blessings.

Till today,

Life is still the same.

Till now, it had never change.

Why cant I recall, that life is a great gift from God?

Why am I keep forgetting?

Why do I always need someone to remind me?

Why can't I remember it all the time?

Why can't I do it all by my own? *still failed to get rid of pessimistic thoughts*

YES. Life is indeed beautiful. Gotta bear this in my mind always.  :)

Devil...

Stop, stop, STOP!

This is so not right.

It shouldn't be happening.

Stop being possessive.

Stop being stubborn.

Stop being curious.

It kills.

SERVES   YOU   RIGHT!:d

A Little Too Not Over.

It seems like I've forgotten.

Things that I once used to like.

Is this a part of growing,

Or just implying that I'm losing myself

Bit by bit...?

Sorry

And again,

I've failed.

I just can't stop from being a pessimist.

Is it some sort like drug addiction?

I'm sorry. :c

Trust No One

You were right. 

I should've learnt my lesson.  

Norm: "Unaccompanied".

Life,

                         Worry about things that are out of my control.

                         Thinking of what would happen next.

                         Wondering what to do if it happens for real.

                         I'm afraid, of uncertainties. But this is life.

                         And there's no way I could say that I'm afraid of living.

Cheers! :i

Good Bye

I was fine..

I was good..

I was contented..

Not until you came,

And left.

I was fine..

I was good..

I was contented..

Not until you left,

And came back again.

I'm fine..

I'm good..

I'm contented..

Because I've left,

And promised that

I'll never go back.

Never ever I will...

I don't like you!

If I keep telling myself that " I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you.."

Is it true that one day I'll not like you anymore? 

No.

I don't like you..I don't like you..I don't like you.. :~

Me

It's been two years, ONLY. Yet I've changed so much inside out. Be it intentionally or unintentionally. Things  happened. Reaching this end, all I could see within myself is just one thing.

I always wanted to have my own secrets. Sadly, I revealed myself every time.

This time, I'll make sure that I did, or perhaps didn't.

Now I wonder, do you ever notice about these? :)

Sobz

I miss you,

What should I do?

I mean,

What can I do?

NOTHING.

*cries*

Hmm...

There's something, or perhaps nothing, but the thing is, everything seems to be in here..

What is it?

I know something.

The only thing that I know, is that I don't know anything.

Everything is like very simple.

Yet complicating.

I reckon that I understand, but I do not.

In fact, I just wish that I don't...

So, what's the thing?

Am I?



When I say "I don't know"

I don't want to know

When I say "I don't want"

I don't care

When I say "I don't care"

It matters

Knotty me...

The feeling of hate is getting intense! I don't know. Don't know is it because you do not understand me well enough, or you just simply pretend that you do not. But this doesn't means that problems never exist EVEN if you close your eyes.

I just feel like to fail everything. Fail my exam, fail your expectations, fail myself. No! I've failed, just to fulfill your expectations.

Perhaps you'd never realize. I don't like to give a shot. Whenever it comes to things that I like, I'll put in all the efforts I have and I'll make sure that things work out as I want! But it's different when I don't want to. I don't mind if I failed because I DON'T CARE! Because it is NOT important, to me at least.

I've got enough, why can't you just let me be myself?

You won't ask a dead chicken to cook itself. Will you? It's IMPOSSIBLE! We all know that.

Is it the word "PROFESSIONAL" sounds so important? I'd say YES if I'm someone who wants to be well-known. Don't you understand me? I bet you don't. Give a shot? I won't.

I'm sorry. =X

是我吗？

你，怎么了？我会给你太大的负担吗？我做了什么让你不高兴的事吗？还是纯粹说，我本身很讨人厌？

对不起，我没要怪你的意思，我没资格。。。

求求你，告诉我，我到底做错了什么吗？

我知道，我不够格拜托你对我好。。。

你清楚，其实你根本就不想。。。

我明白，这是我一手造成的。。。

不需要，你没必要感到内疚。。。

无所谓，我只想你开心。。。

不准哭，反正如何你都不在乎了。。。

我希望，我的出现不会对你造成任何的困扰。。。

我也想，在你眼前彻彻底底的消失。。。

对不起，再忍耐多两个月。。。

好不好？

I do not know what you meant by detachment, because you never give me the chance to understand ANYTHING. I'm sorry. =X

Walt Disney Proudly Presents.

 

What purpose had these serve all this while?

Thank to them that I'm able to dream for miracles despite knowing the truth about REALITY,

Feel grateful that they allow me to escape into fantasy world for temporary,

And strike me with cruelty of this world subsequently.

Blame them for CONFUSING me of where does the boarder line of fairy tale and the real world lies.

Help me to learn about comparing and contrasting: I will always COMPARE scenarios in real life to those fairy tales, and I guess this is why I feel down and depress after watching them. 

*Be it good or bad, it is now a permanent and inevitable. :)

那又如何？

我已经很累了，厌恶这种生活，不喜欢这个地方，甚至讨厌这里的人。

现在，我什么都不想做不想理，只想回家大哭一场。

可以吗？

我承认自己是爱哭鬼，你奈我何能？哼！

The undone...

Outing is simply an idea to make almost everyone feels better. I'm not excluded. Hanging out with friends often works, and I always perceive it as a way to look for distractions, other than wasting money by crowning myself with the title of "shopoholic". 

The highlight is: Outing is suppose to help me to distress!

yet I do not feel good at all.

It has got me undone, put on more pressure on me, and to an extent it worsen my emotions. Perhaps I'm just being too sensitive all the time. I shouldn't been putting myself in such a terrible condition. I don't want it, but I have no idea how to control this.

I would say that I'm quite an extremist, for the reason that I always find it hard to be on the balancing points in everything.

These are not suppose to happen, still, happened. It's my mistake for turning things into mess, or I should not have taken part after all? 

Anyway, they're already PASTS.

你不知道的事。

快乐不容易，原因是它太简单。人会一直不开心，是因为他们喜欢钻牛角尖，自我要求高，防备心， 好胜心和占有欲都太强了。人们害怕失败，也不易认输 ---- 大家都很复杂，复杂得认为要简单才是难事，要快乐比登天还难。

我们常说要做大事，明明就连小事都搞不定，甚至连“简单”都不会。做人为什么就不能脚踏实地，谦卑多一些呢？

你和我，经常为了“重要的事”而烦恼，却忽略了“开心的事”。试问，所谓的“重要”是不是说要让自己陷入低潮；而所谓的“开心”是一种光阴的浪费？当我们抬头抬得太累的时候，为何不要低下头片刻，看看那些近在眼前的幸福呢？

人确实很犯贱，总是觉得遥遥可及的事才有意义，往往忽略了那些垂手可得的快乐。

注：要得到快乐，就要适可的偷懒。

I do not need to know.

Am I to say that: "there's always an end for every misery" (underlying meaning = so as happiness) or "good things will never last (in other words = so as bad moments) Both of them are of the same meaning. It's all up to we, our own to choose to see things from which angle. There's no right and wrong between two things, even if they contradict with each other.  I believe that many of us are actually struggling to become a better individual, to lead our life to a brighter future. Nobody wants to get worsen. Somehow, we just don't know which method to use, or even what are the methods exist. That's the reason why people keep trying and keep encountering failures. They do not fail, actually. Every obstacles in life is to help us to grow stronger and tougher. Not to nurture our patience to endure until all problems are ended. They never will. 

However, humans are just too forgetful. Often, they do not remember about their own pasts, about how they've gone through all circumstances and continue their life to this day. If you can do it previously, you must be able to go through it again in future. All this while we are being confined under regulations and limitations. One thing clear is, our memories do not have a limit. We can fill as many things as we like, as long as we want it. And for sure, we can choose not to allocate any spaces for certain stuffs.

It's all up to our own decision. 

*Although we can't choose what situation to be in, we still have the right to decide what to do.

Are you OK?

Stop asking me this kind of !@#$@#%$ question! 

My answers might be:

1. Yea of course! *big smile* (You've forced me to tell lies =X)

2. Hee..I guess so.. *frown* (I don't know @@)

3. Har? Am I look not alright? *smirk* (Yes I am..IDIOT! XD)

Am I suppose to be rude for admitting that I'm not, and making others to be worried?

How am I going to give you an answer, when even I myself can't find the reason? 

Perhaps you're just trying to be concern, but can you help it if I'm not?

There's NO need of REASONS for everything that happens. 

I just lied.

我会好好过...

昨晚，突然变得有点开朗，是有点太过。

顿时觉得，人活着，面对失望， 总比没希望好。

当一个人抱着希望，就算只有一丝丝的，才能勇敢的继续活下去。

乐观，是好事。

但是，背后的原因，只有我知道。

我会好好过，等你再爱我。

这，将会是我活着的希望。:)

There's nothing here.

I dont seems to be alone,

yet I feel empty inside.

I have clothes to wear,

yet I feel naked in front of public.

I have food to eat,

yet I hunger more for love and attention.

I have people who cares about me,

yet I'm seeking love from the ones who will never do so.

I'm a bit greedy,

Kind of stupid,

and a little too, over you.

But now I reckon, 

Are "you" still, or ever

existed?

Not that I'm left alone in the dark, why am I still having a great sense of insecurity? I'd prefer to be alone, as loneliness could fill my empty heart up.There's at least something that I can feel its existence within myself, and it's always better than the feeling of emptiness that I suffer while I'm standing in the middle of crowds.

Awful!

The reason I'm here for now, is nothing than the predictable one. The ONLY one. 

June was a bad month, tried hard to convince myself that the coming month will be better. I really believed in that, once. And now it's already half past July, but things just got worse from day to day. Perhaps the previous month was just a foreshadow, a warning so that I could be mentally prepared before the next month dawns apart. 

Weekdays are stress enough though, weekends are even more tense. There's no way I can ever make myself to look forward for weekends, not anymore, to the extent that I wouldn't want to imagine my coming weekends. I am so afraid that they might just put me into despair, one to another. Not like I'm an optimistic person some more. Honestly I'd rather to have no weekends. Less pressure I guess. Or hope. 

This is the month which I was born. For 19 years, I had never been feeling this bad. Everyday is like pressuring you to death, slowly. Everything is like trying to make you succumb to it, and this feeling is growing so fast, that no one could ever tell the exact rate. Not even the best scientist on earth can find out. It's easier than simple, and it's tougher than complex. 

Everyone has their own matters to deal with, YES I understand this. But I just couldn't settle problems on my own and I really hate myself about this. Why does everybody can, and yet you can't? Unless you're not a human. I doubted this at times. Weird thing is, whenever I'm down and depressed, I can't think of anyone to talk to, or even just to make me smile despite something has gone wrong. Is that I've changed to become less expressive, or it is because I had came to realise the fact that nobody around me has such an ability? Or I simply know that no one has ever bothered to do so?

I'm real desperate now!

I hate this place

I hate the people around me

I hate myself

Could anyone let me know when will all these end?

No it's OK. I dread being disappointed.

Excuse me?

Could you PLEASE just leave me alone?

When I once needed you most.

You weren't here.

You NEVER wanted to be here.
Now, I don't need you anymore.

I'd say it that way.

At least it doesn't hurt that much.

I hope.

Could you PLEASE just stay at where you belongs to?

Oh I'm sorry.

I've forgotten to inform you.

Your place is in my memory.

Anyway, I don't find any reason.

Why shall you listen to me.

I mean, who am I?

SOMEONE, I perhaps.

Could you PLEASE just be more consistent?

You puzzled me.

What do you actually want.

Why are you acting like that.

What's on your mind.

What am I to you. (Instead of "who")

Why are you wanted to be good to me now,

And push me down the valley the next moment.

Somehow I wonder.

Am I important to you?

But then I'm back.

To the reality.

I gotta say:

NEVERMIND.

This isn't important anymore.

No longer it is.

礼物

谢谢你，我觉得自己很了不起，竟然有能力让你喜欢，还能让你讨厌，我，还蛮厉害的。

谢谢你，让我尝尽了喜怒哀乐，每个人都会伤心，但是要快乐是不容易的，而你曾经给过我。

谢谢你，要不是你的离去，我永远都不会知道与你分享过的每一分每一秒，是多么的珍贵。

谢谢你，让我知道甜的滋味，也让我尝试了苦的味道，是你，让我成长了。  

谢谢你，给了我一份最最昂贵的礼物，而我知道，这份礼物，全世界，只有我一个人拥有。

这份礼物，就是你我之间的回忆。

谢谢你留下的回忆，让我在悲伤之余，还能找到一丝丝的安慰。但想要把礼物拆开，是必须付出代价的，那就是痛。不过我相信，再过不久，我会不再需要它，因为我没勇气承受那惨痛的代价。慢慢的，我会把它忘了，不过它不会消失，只是被埋藏在一个不起眼的角落。偶尔看到它，想起你，可惜的是，我已记不起那份礼物里，究竟有什么东西。

这份回忆，就当是彼此送给对方的最后一份礼物吧！

你好吗？

再热的天气，

都无法让我暖和，

因为心，

已凉了。

再冷的寒风，

都对我毫无影响，

因为心，

冻结了。

再感人的电影，

都无法让我流泪，

因为心，

麻木了。

不打招呼，

是因为不想说再见；

不敢拥有，

只因为害怕失去。

倘若你不曾属于我，

那么我永远

永远

都不会失去你。

Love is to care
Is to share
Is to give
But never to expect.

Often
I stop caring
No longer sharing
And tired of giving.

Because

I'm forgetful,
I demanded
Overly.

Sorry
To neglect.
Still,
I love you...

Even though I know that you don't...

It's Alright

In the dream

Everything will just
Be fine.

It can be sweet
Bitter
Or horrifying.

Once you're awake
It will no longer
Be there.

It's just a dream
Don't worry

I'm here.

Even if
You don't have one
It is just FINE.

because DREAMS will never COME TRUE...

Nice to meet you

You do not need me,
yes I know that.

Perhaps you never know this,
NEITHER do I.

No matter what, I still love you as always,
and whenever you need me, I'll always be there.
You have my words.

Don't worry

An ice
in the fist
Despite how much
you cherish it,
You'll get
cold and freeze
in return.

Yet
You're afraid
to lose it.

No matter
how hard,
how tough
you try,

It will
still,
melts away...

Not everything is meant to be ours.

I'm just fine...

When the sun shines again,
All the tears
Will be once
Dried up.

And the smile on your face
Is still charming
As it is before
Now
and always.

smile is not just a facial expression, it's a message from the inner heart. =)